It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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