I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
