I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
