I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
