My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
