chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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