Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
