There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
