just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
