Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
