he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
