don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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