I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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