she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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