he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
