Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
