I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
