it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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