she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
