If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
