Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
True but thats because hes a fetus.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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