ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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