OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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