Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
