Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
