watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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