I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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