maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
