I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
