sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
