Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
