tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
