chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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