woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
