I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize