Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
