I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
