I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
