Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
