So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
