I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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