I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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