Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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