I was born with a shot glass in my hand
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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