He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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