dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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