Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize