A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
