i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am midnight drunk by noon
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
