i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
