My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
