Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
my liver is dry heaving
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize