11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
