my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
