Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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