turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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