Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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