I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize