i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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