I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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