so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
