I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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