I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
