There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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